Coping With the Death of a Child
Comfort for grieving parents
Many parents visited the Lubavitcher Rebbe, Rabbi Menachem Mendel Schneerson (1902-1994) for advice and comfort after losing their child. The Rebbe would respond with patience and empathy, giving words of consolation and encouragement. Here are some of the Rebbe’s insights on the terrible tragedy of child loss. (What follows are not actual quotes, but merely... Continue Reading →
Some Day, One Day (Inspired by the lyrics from the song One Day by Matisyahu) Sometimes in my tears I drownBut I pray it doesn’t get me downSo when negativity surroundsI know some day it'll all turn around because All my life I've been waiting forI've been praying forMashiach to come and stayThere’ll be no... Continue Reading →
What Exactly is the Afterlife and What Does My Child Do There? A question parents often ask after the death of a child is 'Where is my child now? What's my child doing? Does my child have a life in Heaven?' One of the basic tenets of Judaism is belief in an afterlife. In brief,... Continue Reading →
'Celebrating' My Son's Birthday Well, I'm not really celebrating. It's not like we're eating cake and giving presents. The adjectives 'observing' or 'acknowledging' would be more appropriate. For the past few weeks, I was unsure of how I wanted to observe Jacob’s birthday. In some ways, I was dreading the day which used to be... Continue Reading →
I'm Supposed to be Happy, But I'm Crying ‘Blessed are you, L-rd our G-d, King of the Universe, who has granted us life, sustained us, and enabled us to reach this occasion.’ This is one of the blessings we recite on the first night of Chanukah and my son Jacob is not with us. G-d... Continue Reading →
Memories I Don't Want to Forget Since this blog is in memory of my son, I felt it’s about time I talked about him. I have so many good memories of him and I don’t want to forget them. I figured I’d better start writing them down. What follows is more than just a series... Continue Reading →
I Prayed For My Child Every Day, Then He Died I thought that if I nagged enough, I would get what I want. In fact, nagging the Almighty is even echoed in the Jewish prayer book: "Hope in G‑d, be strong and let your heart be valiant, and hope in G‑d.” (Siddur Tehillat Hashem, p.78)... Continue Reading →
How Many Children Do I Have After My Son Died? I’m a firm believer in the Boy Scout motto ‘Be Prepared’. I sometimes think about various scenarios and wonder how I would respond. Now, I don’t often meet new people. And now, after losing my child, I'm a bit of a recluse. But if I... Continue Reading →
Celebrating Shabbat With My Son Before Child Loss We had a pleasant and happy family Shabbat table before my son passed away. Before I lost my child, the Friday night Shabbat meal was always a special time for our family. When the kids were small, we looked forward to discussing the Torah portion of the... Continue Reading →
Understanding Child Loss is Impossible for a Parent Who Has Never Experienced It After I lost my son, during the week of shiva people were coming to our home saying ‘May G-d comfort you among the mourners of Zion and Jerusalem’. These are the traditional words of consolation said to Jewish mourners. But I would... Continue Reading →
Why Can't I Emotionally Cope With the Loss of My Child? My intellectual brain and my emotional heart are worlds apart. Understanding something and emotionally internalizing it are two separate realms that, in me, are totally disconnected from one another. This is why it's so hard for me to understand or accept child loss. Intellectually I... Continue Reading →
I Felt Guilty When My Child Suddenly Died When I lost my son, the nagging feelings of guilt set in and made me more miserable than I already was. I thought to myself, ‘Was there something I could have done to prevent what happened?’. Jacob, being a stoic young man, never complained about physical ailments.... Continue Reading →
Coping With the Death of a Child 