First of all, I want to share the wonderful news that my husband and I are grandparents of twin boys born to Jacob’s brother Adam and his wife on the fourth night of Chanukah. In addition to the joy we feel over the birth of these little guys, it’s also bittersweet in that our son Jacob is not here to share in our joy. After child loss, it seems the happiest of events are overshadowed by the reality that our loved one isn’t here to share it with us.
Happy events are like looking at a family photograph with a cutout of the child who passed away. Something, someone, is always missing.
To be sure, in heaven, Jacob knows everything that goes on in our family. He’s aware of their birth, he attended their bris (circumcision), all in a spiritual way. I know he’s happy, and were he physically here, he’d be holding them and giving them presents. What’s painful is that I can’t see the smile on his beautiful face.
Names are Special and Have Meaning
All this got me thinking about birthdays, baby names, and the strong connection to Jacob. The name of the older twin ( the one who came out first, lol ) is Eliyahu Ephraim. Ephraim was Jacob’s middle name. At Eliyahu’s bris, Adam spoke about how they chose the name Ephraim:
‘Ephraim was the name of my younger brother, Yaakov Ephraim. He was a gentle and modest person. His neshama (soul) should inspire our son as well. Ephraim is the symbol of Hashem’s compassion…’
Such beautiful things to say. Just as Jacob was born a week early, Eliyahu Ephraim was also born a week early. All this got me thinking about Jacob’s name, when he was born, and its connection to the Torah portion of that week.
Jacob’s Name and the Torah Portion
My husband Ted and I decided on a name for Jacob months before the due date. Ted’s father’s name was Ephraim and we knew that we wanted that for the middle name. As for the first name, we liked the name Jacob, after the patriarch Jacob. The birth was supposed to occur during the week of the Torah portion of Shemot (Exodus), but our son arrived a week early during the Torah portion of Vayechi.
In parsha Vayechi Joseph brings his two sons, Menashe and Ephraim, to his father Jacob for a blessing. Although Ephraim was the younger son, Jacob put his right hand on the boy’s head when he blessed him. ( The right hand is usually placed on the head of the oldest. )
We find a strong connection between the patriarch Jacob and Ephraim. Our Sages say that while Menashe was helping his father run the affairs of Egypt, Jacob taught Torah to Ephraim. Just as Jacob was the foremost Jewish person in his generation, Ephraim later became the foremost Jewish person in his generation. In fact, after the Jewish kingdom was split in two, the Ten Tribes were collectively called by the name Ephraim.
Our forefather Ephraim was the youngest brother. Our Jacob was the youngest brother and carried both the names of Jacob and Ephraim. Was it a coincidence that our son was born during parsha Vayechi? I think not. Our Jacob has a very special soul.
Prophecy Today
Although prophecy departed from the Jewish people after the Temples were destroyed, a small form of prophecy still exists today when a parent gives a child a Jewish name. That name describes the essence of the child and his role in life. What’s in a name? Everything.
Our Jacob just had another birthday. He’d be 28. I sent balloons and flowers to his brothers so we would all acknowledge the wonderful day he came into the world. It’s customary in Judaism to remember the yahrzeit, the day of passing. But I also want people to remember the day he was born. We hope and pray that our new grandson, Eliyahu Ephraim, will emulate the wonderful character of his Uncle Jacob and that he grow into a fine man.
Coping With the Death of a Child 
MAZAL TOV!
thank you!
Mazal Tov on the addition of twin grandchildren! May you have much nachas!
I read your article and was wondering why the middle name of Ephraim was chosen and not the first name of Jacob?
Good question. Maybe he would feel uncomfortable calling his son directly by his brother’s first name. Anyway, my husband and I are comforted that they thought of Jacob and wanted to honor him.