Six years ago, my son Jacob was buried on Purim. This year, I began to reflect on the mitzvot of the day and how they connect to my experience of child loss. Surprisingly, two Purim mitzvot stood out for me: Matanot La’Evyonim—giving charity to those in need—and Mishloach Manot—sharing gifts of food with one another. Surprisingly, we’ll see that there’s a connection in the concepts of child loss and Purim’s mitzvot. And we can take advantage of this connection to honor our child’s memory.
Child Loss and a Keepsake from G-d
First, let’s look at the famous story in the Gemara about the death of Rabbi Meir’s two sons.
The boys passed away on Shabbat. Their mother, Beruriah, wants to break the news to her husband as gently as possible. When Rabbi Meir arrives home, she asks him a question:
‘A man came and deposited valuables with me to hold, and now he wants them back. Do I have to give it to him or not? Rabbi Meir responded, of course you have to give it back to him. She took her husband upstairs and showed him the two boys.‘
Beruriah was very wise. She knew that everything belonged to G-d, including her children.
Everything I Have Really Isn’t Mine
The Purim mitzvot of Matanot La’Evyonim and Mishloach Manot call on me to give away my money and my food – things I think of as my own. During the rest of the year, I might question whether someone is worthy of receiving charity. On Purim, I don’t ask any questions—I simply give. From Beruriah’s wisdom, I learn that my money, food, all that I have, even my children really belong to G-d.
My Creator gives me food, money, health, and everything I have, to put to good use. It’s as if He’s saying ‘Here, I’m giving you funds. I’m investing in you. Put these funds to good use.‘
The Connection Between Child Loss and Purim’s Mitzvot
Purim is more than just a story—it’s a day of giving. Giving my money, food, time, or even my knowledge to those who need it, is a wonderful thing. Being a giver honors my child’s memory, and I’ll try to be a giving person as much as I can. After all, I know that’s what Jacob wants me to do.
Coping With the Death of a Child 
From Lorraine Leah Gittel to Rhonroth, A Good and Beautiful Shabbat for you and for your family, and I hope you all enjoyed a Festive and Happy and Frailach Purim. The other week as I am so not good on the computer, I was unable to leave a comment in the Comment section of your site. My comment was not nearly as long as what I am typing today, and today I am writing about Tzadakah and giving from the heart.
The giving of the Tzadakah (Charity). It’s not just the giving but how we give. That’s what I am working on. To give with the hand open and the heart open. I believe that’s a big part of the test, and the one who is really being tested is the giver more than the receiver.
I would like to write begin writing Children’s Books. If I do begin ( I am working on the believing in myself part that I can do it) I would like to give a good part of the earnings to Tzdakah (Charity) for people who need it for getting married or for large families who are having difficulty making ends meet, ( either because the husband studies in Kollel or some other reason).
I myself I am not that religious but I work at it. I keep Shabbat, I pray and I study a little bit. I was brought up secular, so changing takes time. When I was much younger, at 25 years of age, I studied with the Lubavitch in Montreal, but my family didn’t like it, so although I was enjoying it very much, I wanted to please my family. One of my siblings gave me books ??from Rabbi Avraham Twerski and Rabbi Plishkin, and other learned souls, and I began my study of the Tzadikim. A few years back due to life being so hard and rough, I began again to become more religious.
If I begin to write books ?? if somehow, if you want, maybe doing something in your son Jacob’s name, and also this will help give me the belief to write the children’s books. I believe if our intention is to do for others then G-d allows us, but if it’s all about us, it won’t be easy. Again it’s all about giving and giving back.
If you read this (and I am sorry because I write so much), if you can think of a way to do something for your son Jacob thru my creating children’s books, please let me know. I would be very honoured to do something good.
Thank you and a Wonderful Shabbat. I question G-d alot, but as long as we question with love, it’s alright to question. Even the Tzadikim question. If you have not read the Klausenberger Rebbe by Feldheim Press, it’s excellent. It was originally two volumes that the author made into one volume. The first part is before and during the war, and the second part is after the war, the rebuilding.
Hi Lorraine and thank you for writing.
Yes, it’s all about giving.
I wish you success in writing children’s books.
Perhaps books on good middot, like kindness and giving tzedakah.
When you find a publisher, let me know, and thank you for thinking of my son.
All the best.