A Letter to My Departed Child on His Birthday

Hi son, we haven’t spoken in a while. First, let’s catch up on what we’ve been doing.

We Missed You On Chanukah

We spent Shabbat Chanukah with your brothers and their families. It was very nice, and it was like the whole family was there. ‘Like’ because you weren’t there and were sorely missed. I cried some. But I couldn’t help be happy looking and interacting with the grandchildren. I know you love your little nieces and nephews very much, and if you were here, they would love you right back. We showed them pictures of Uncle Jacob. We lit your Chanukah menorah.

Is a Birthday Important Anymore?

So here we are again, another birthday. Some people visit their child’s grave on their birthday, but I don’t like to. It just doesn’t feel right saying happy birthday in a cemetery.

Do birthdays matter to you anymore? Your yahrzeit is more important because that’s the day when your pure soul gets another boost in Heaven. But your birthday is important to me.

Your Birthday is Important to Me

Appreciating your birthday is important to me because that’s the day you were born. I thank G-d that He gave you to me to care for and raise. Yes, I could have been a better parent. I ask your forgiveness for all the parenting mistakes I made.

Your birthday is not only important to me, but I want to let everyone know how wonderful it was having you in our family. Again this year, I’ll send Happy Birthday balloons to your brothers, nieces, and nephews. We remember you and always will.

My Child, You Were Lent to Me

I wrote above that G-d gave you to me like a gift. Actually, since everything belongs to G-d, He merely lent you to me for twenty-four years and then took you back. We learn this from the story of the death of Rabbi Meir’s two sons:

The Death of Rabbi Meir’s Sons

One Shabbat afternoon, Rabbi Meir’s sons died. When he returned home, his wife Bruriah asked him a question:

A man came and deposited something with me. He is now coming to take it back. Should we return it to him or not? Rabbi Meir said that one who has a deposit with him must return it to its owner. 

Bruriah took her husband’s hand, led him to the room where the boys lay dead and removed the sheet. When he saw them lifeless on the bed, he began to cry.

She said to him, is this not what I told you, do I not need to return the deposit to its owner? He said, The Lord has given and the Lord has taken; may the name of the Lord be blessed. (Iyov 1:21).”

Reprinted from Stories of Child Loss in Jewish Writing

My Child, I Have a Job For You

Even though G-d took you back, you’re still my son and I’ll always love you. And now, what do I want from you? Please pray for our family, for the world, and that Moshaich should come now. We need your prayers. G-d listens to your pure soul and He will answer you.

One more request – I know that your soul ascends higher with each yahrzeit. There’s so much going on up there that keeps you busy. Please don’t forget us, because we’ll never forget you.

Happy Birthday Jacob.